01/01/2016

2016

Happy New Year!!! It's 2016 and life couldn't feel more like itself. Literally nothing has changed. But it's great to have a fresh new start so I appreciate the sentiment. Unlike most years I've decided to give in to the whole 'New Years Resolution' stuff since there's some stuff I want to do/get better at and what better way to exercise that then by starting to do it in the new year! So here's a little list of my new years resolutions

1) TAKE MORE PICTURES- whether this is a selfie, pictures of my outfits, my meals, the scenery, a cute dog/cat that i see etc. depends on the day and my mood and what fits right but im hoping to take at least one picture a day. I'm very bad at documenting stuff and it'd be nice to have a visual memory of my time in 2016.

2) MAKE MORE JOURNAL POSTS- I bought my first ever proper journal in July of this year and while it started out rocky and I didn't even use it for like a whole month out of fear of ruining it, I've started to get into the swing of doing a page every day or every couple days but I would still forget at times and go over 10 days without even making a tiny journal entry. Since buying it I have done exactly 50 pages of it which is great but hoping to complete so many more. I have yet to do a page a day for a whole month so hoping that happens at some point in 2016.

3) SPEND MORE TIME WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS- As a hardcore introvert who is also incredibly anxious when it comes to communicating with people this one might be quite tough but on the whole I've noticed I don't allow myself to have as many plans with friends as I could or even at times when I could spend time with my family I just close myself off. Obviously as an introvert I do need alone time but I think it's time for me to socialise a little more. I mean looking back on 2015 the days that are most memorable to me are those where I went outside and spent time with my friends or the days my friends came over but can't really tell you a specific memory from me sitting at my laptop scrolling through tumblr

4) STUDY HARDER- I will admit I procrastinate quite a lot and whilst I do eventually study, the journey to get to studying is long and tedious. It's always the same every year, I do a lot of revision and studying at the start of the year but by Christmas I'm slacking (this is in reference to school year btw) so this year I'm hoping to me on top of my work right from the start.

and last but not least

5) ENJOY IT-  I complain a lot, which is evident from my blog title, which means that I tend to be quite pessimistic and just generally a pain to be around. I need to learn to let little things go (which I probably won't let's be real) and to overall enjoy my time on the earth.

So there you have it. Haven't really started any of these yet (though it's not even an hour into 2016 so that's fine) and hopefully I won't break them any time soon.

-Minoo

24/10/2015

How to be productive/motivated

Like the school tips these will be catered towards myself mostly because despite my amazing memory one key thing I forget is how to look after myself and keep myself motivated to do work. Despite that I'm pretty sure some of these tips will also be helpful to anyone out there who has no idea how to get the energy to start working. 

1) Get out of bed. It sounds so easy but honestly it's incredibly hard. Especially when you're like me and both your laptop and your phone are at reach from your bed because you'll never get out of it then. Even if you get out of bed at 4pm it's better than nothing and it will stop you from having an entire lazy day.
DO NOT BE LURED!!

2) Shower regularly. Again this may sound slightly weird but it's really easy to fall out of the habit of looking after yourself and your hygiene. But even if it's a quick wash it'll help to wake you up. Though make sure your showers aren't too warm as they tend to make people (and by people I mean myself) super sleepy which defeats the aim of the process. Warm showers are great in the evening when you need help winding down but if you need that spur of energy a cold shower would be optimal. 

3) Open your curtains BEFORE you turn on the lights. I mean have a well lit room in general but natural light is always so much better. Not only will you save on electricity but it's just so much more calming? I'm not sure how to word it but basically it's better than just using the lights in your room. Also if you're braver than I am you can open the windows too to let in fresh air. I'm terrified of bugs so I never do but even if its for an hour or so fresh air will do you a ton of good. (Also that way you don't have to leave your house so win/win for us introverts)

4) Drink water/eat fruit. I'm currently doing both as I write this blog post. So much productiveness. But seriously every time you go downstairs for a snack just open your fridge and grab an apple or an orange rather than opting for nutella. Also hydration is a really important thing so always having a water bottle with you or having a cup of water every couple of hours or so is great. If you struggle with remembering stuff like this I'd say go for the water bottle because you'll see it all the time which would be a helpful reminder. Or if you're like me and you find yourself searching for something to eat every 5.2 minutes just grabbing a glass of water every time you're in the kitchen is fine.

Look at how great that looks


5) Have a clean room or at the very least a clean workspace. I'm sure you've heard the phrase 'tidy room, tidy mind' countless times but it's honestly so true. Now before you start with your 'but it's organised mess' or 'I have a system!' I thought I was like that too until I started realising this 'organised mess' did nothing to help me and just shortened the amount of time I could actually study because I could never find what I needed. Although having a tidy room is the best option if you really don't have the time or energy at least clean up your workspace. For example when I sit at my desk, I can't see the rest of the room since my desk is in a corner. That way even if the room behind me is slightly cluttered when I'm studying I don't notice it.

Literally so many 'tidy desk tidy mind' pictures came up
as I tried to find a picture like this

6) Organise your stuff together. That's a really bad starting sentence, let me elaborate. Basically what I'm trying to say is keep all related stuff together, so for example have your books for studying in one place and all your books which are just for leisure in another. That way when you need a certain book you know exactly where to look and you won't get distracted by 'The Hunger Games' trilogy when you really should be finding your biology textbook. This tip also isn't limited to books and studying stuff. For example I recently started a journal so I keep my journal and all the things I usually use with it (so a pen, pencil, coloured pens, ruler etc) all in one place so every time I want to make a journal entry I have everything at hand and I'm not trying to frantically find everything.

I hope these tips helped you getting out of the whole 'I don't know how to get motivated' slump. I'm really enjoying these little posts I make giving people tips so if you have any ideas on other stuff I should give tips on just comment it below.

Until next time-
Minoo x

12/10/2015

I've never been good with titles

You know what's really annoying? Yesterday I had a million and one ideas for blog posts buzzing in my mind but no bloody internet connection (Can you seriously imagine me going 24 hours without internet? Neither can I, not sure how I made it alive) but now that my internet connection is back it's like my mind has been erased. As though my brain is a computer and the person on it decided to wipe the history, removing every little detail I deemed necessary just because some inappropriate thoughts might have been floating up there.

Side Note: I hate that about 
erasing history browser on chrome. 
Like you can't just delete your 
cookies or cache from one 
website it always has to be 
'the past hour' or 'the beginning of time'
(Also keeping with the side note theme ayy)

You could argue that I could have written all these ideas down but I'm the type of person that when the moment is gone it's GONE and even if I have the idea written down to the little witty jokes I'd make in my posts I would still not be bothered to post it because the time I felt like I wanted to post that thing is gone and now I'm rambling and nothing makes sense whatsoever ugh.

One thing that is for certain is that I'm feeling depressed and empty and lonely and all those shitty feelings again woop de doo. I remember thinking yesterday (when I had no internet connection) what idea would be more depressing- 1) Getting my internet back and having no messages whatsoever? 2) Getting my internet back and seeing all the messages I do have are from group chats and no one seems to care that I've been offline for the whole day despite being much more active usually. 

I think that says something about me, if all I wonder is how little people think about me, rather than how much. How do I stop feeling lonely? I don't like it. And I've gone to a ton of my friends about this problem already and the more people I tell the more attention seeking I become but that's exactly what I am ATTENTION SEEKING BECAUSE ATTENTION MEANS IM NOT LONELY AHHH

no but for real the first thing i do when i come on blogger is look at my audience and see how many views i've gotten in the past week lmao pls luv me

I have no idea where this is going so I'm going to end it here, I find it weird how my writing style changed so drastically from quite formal to nah bruh. 

Until next time-
Minoo x

13/09/2015

Attentionm

It's sad, it really is but I'm fuelled by attention. I say that I create things out of enjoyment or boredom or whatever reason but honestly I do it because I hope and pray and wish that people will praise me for it. For example I made a post a couple days ago about back to school tips and I really liked making it, it was fun to write but seeing that only one person viewed it (and I know those viewing points are just if you click on the page of the post and people may have read it if they just looked at my blog without a view being given on the statistic side of things) but it made me incredibly sad especially when my blog posts back in 2013 for example would get much more views.

The worst thing is it's not even just blog posts. Yesterday I made one of those aesthetic grid lyric posts you've probably seen on tumblr (im such a follower wow) but it was so fun to make and it came out pretty well:


(they're lyrics to milk and cookies by Melanie Martinez
which you should definitely check out)

Now this post of mine only got one note and it made me so upset even though I should be making it because I like creating things the only thing that is in my mind is: will people even like it or am I making it for nothing. The worst part of this all is getting no attention discourages me from creating things but the less I create the less likely I am to improve to get to a point where people do like my stuff. 

Currently I'm working on something else (also melanie martinez related oops) and I've only created one photo out of the set but I'm too scared to create the others and spend so much time on it and then have no one even like them you know?

-Minoo

12/09/2015

Belated Back to School Tips



So I have been back at school (well sixth form) for a week now and I'm sure most people have started school already but I still wanted to make a bunch of tips (especially for people who have productivity issues like myself) to help people to get started with school I guess idk. (Also doing this so I have something to refer to when I feel like I've forgotten how to study yay)

Side note: You've probably heard most
of these tips but nothing wrong with 
emphasis on a couple points right?

1.1) Have some way to organise your work- Whether it's a planner the school gives you or a planner you buy yourself just have one and USE IT! We all think we have great memory and we'll remember the homework even without a planner (and even if that is the case as it has been sometimes with me) you might still forget an important piece of detail that you wouldn't have if you had written it (e.g. you might get a piece of homework for English to write a 500 word essay, without writing it down you might remember the essay part but forget about the 500 word and end up writing too little or too much for your homework.) Jotting down your homework will make sure you have all the little bits of information. 

Another important thing to have in your planner is a due date for your pieces of homework or coursework etc. This way you'll know exactly what piece of homework you should be prioritising, like you don't want to do a piece of homework on Tuesday that's due Friday but then miss out the homework for Wednesday. It's also useful to tick or cross off a homework task that you've completed as you'll know how much you have left to do with a quick glance; it also feels incredibly satisfying to know that you're done with something. If you're struggling with something you could always mark it red so you know what you need help with.

Amazing way to organise
1.2) More organisation tips because there's so many ways to organise wow!! Now you have your planner you need a way to organise the actual content you get. Good investments would either be a folder or notebook for each subject depending on the type of work your teacher gives. If it's a worksheet sort of based subject a folder would be handier to store all your sheets and not lose them whereas if it's more written based and worksheets are rare a notebook would be a smarter investment. You'll probably find that you will not invest solely on folders or notebooks and it might actually be a bit of both. There is also a chance your school will provide you with some of this stuff (for example we are given folders for each subject in my sixth form). However you decide to organise your work is up to you but try and keep everything in one place and have each subject in a separate notebook/folder. Last year I had one massive folder for all four of my subjects and by the end of the year it was just a mess and I would not recommend it at all.

2) This one may be a little late if you've already started but make sure you have all the essential stationery before the school year begins. A good thing to do is look through your current pencil case and jot down everything you don't have that you need so when you go out shopping for school you know exactly what to get. Also remember to get any stationery which is specific for the subject you are doing. (e.g. a compass for maths) The brand you get doesn't matter just buy stuff which is good enough (basically don't be silly like me and buy expensive stationery because it's prettier and then wonder why you don't have enough money for food). Just because studyblrs (which honestly make me less productive because I'm too busy staring at the amazing notes) have really cool stationery doesn't mean you need it. As long as it works you'll be fine.

Ah the art of feeling productive without doing any work
3) Try to ask for help- The reason the word try is there is because I know that not everyone feels comfortable asking for help (I am one of those) but if you're struggling with something you won't magically get better if you don't reach out. If you really feel uncomfortable asking help from a teacher try a friend who does well in that subject first and see if they can help you understand it. If that doesn't work and getting help from the teacher is the only way you can get past it just try to ask for help. I promise you that they don't think you're stupid for not understanding something and that they're happy to give a hand. (I say this but watch when on Monday I'm struggling and I refuse to ask the teacher for help lmao) Also if you don't like asking for help face to face, see if you can email your teacher as that might help you feel less anxious about it.

4) Break up your work- Having tons of work to do can be overwhelming and put you off doing any work whatsoever so break up the work you need to do into little tasks to help you get through it. Not only will it take off a massive load as you no longer feel bombarded but it'll just feel easier and quicker to do. In the example of having an essay rather than looking at it like that split it up into
  • Planning 
  • Writing the introduction
  • Making your three main points (Or however many you're asked to do)
  • Start elaborating on these points with evidence to support them
  • Keep switching between the last two points until all the points you have made have been explained in depth
  • Write a conclusion
If the essay is typed you could even start off in notes and change it into prose once you know the direction you're going in. 

With a project you could split up each topic that you're going to research and write about for the day and slowly bring it together rather than feeling like you have to do it all at once.

5) Avoid the internet as much as possible- You say that you're only going online for a small break but trust me next thing you know it's 11pm and you're either on the depths of tumblr or searching weird videos on youtube. Unless you need it for studying you should avoid it and even then leave the subject that needs the online work to last so you can at least get through some other stuff before. I know that sometimes you might come home from school and you're way too tired to get started and you need a bit of rest before you do but the internet is a no go. Instead try and do something that doesn't involve the internet whether it's to read, draw, spend time with some family members etc. to rest so that you're not distracted. Personally I've found that when I do something like read when I get home I end up being much more productive than if the first thing I do is turn on my laptop.

Don't touch until you do some work
I'm sure there's more tips I could give you but honestly I'm incredibly tired and one tip would have been to sleep early which I'm currently not doing so I'll just end it here. I mean five well developed tips (technically six because the split in 1) is pretty good right. Anyway I hoped this helped in anyway.

-Minoo

(p.s. I'm so close to 200 posts wow. Actually that's not that much considering I've had this blog for about 3 years)
 

12/05/2015

Seventeen

It is currently 00:28 on Tuesday 12th May 2015 which means I am 17. Or maybe just about to be 17 idk what time i was born. The important thing is it's that it's my birthday but I feel kinda empty this year.

You see I've had my fair share of shitty birthdays. I even made a post about a couple of them which you can go to if you click here. Aside from just shitty birthday parties I've also had plenty of times where most of my friends forgot it was my birthday and I think due to that I've become more forward about when my birthdays are subconsciously. Like I made references to my birthday so much yesterday, mentioning how it's my birthday tomorrow every two seconds. Though I knew I was doing it it wasn't on purpose I just think that perhaps everyone always forgetting makes me want to emphasise it more so people stop forgetting.

It's only been half an hour into my birthday but I expected to have at least one random message to pop up at 12am like 'happy birthday, bet im the first one to say it' or something like that, i guess i wished too hard and thought people cared enough to do that. I also made a post about it on tumblr, I didn't expect much, despite having a decent amount of followers only a couple genuinely interact with me but i thought i'd have a like or two on the post or a little reply saying 'happy birthday' but so far nothing.

It's really quiet, far too quiet and I'm getting those 4am feelings again. They always creep up on you when you least expect it. I hope I don't go through my birthday feeling miserable. It would suck to finally have a year where I have no exams, or stresses on my birthday and people actually remembering it (because I reminded them thoroughly about it yesterday) but to go through to the day feeling like shit because of my unpredictable mind.

I want to stop feeling empty before my feet find their way downstairs and my hands creep into the bread bin and fill my mouth with chocolate and sweets until i feel physically sick but i think that's the only way to make the empty feeling go away. I love how this started about birthdays and turned into my mental state. My brain is just so obsessed with itself god.

Seventeen's a pretty shitty age anyway. It's just that boring gap between 16 and 18 that no one likes. Being 16 was fun. I did quite a lot in that time.


  • I started and finished all my GCSE's
  • I started sixth form (college)
  • I went to Manchester to meet an internet friend
  • I made many new friends through sixth form
  • I went to my first ever party
  • among many other cool things
I mean I have some pretty fun things coming up soon which I guess will be done at the age of 17 such as
  • I'm going to see Jack and Dean live
  • I'm going camping with my friends
  • My friends and I are having a joint may birthday party of sorts since like 5 of us are born in may
  • I will be visiting universities (which is scary as fuck so maybe not a fun one)
  • Also fun summer stuff with friends like going to each others houses, days out with each other. etc
I feel a little better now. 
-Minoo

28/02/2015

Stardust (It's similar to my last post I know)


This is another poem- although it sounds the same as my last poem/song it's really not.


You may see me
and think I am merely a woman
but I'm made of stardust and gold
glittering the sky with my
beauty.

My hair,
the waves of
an ocean capable
to drown
plenty.

My skin,
the silky material
of a wedding
dress.

My nails,
are those of a beast,
claws ready to
pierce.

My eyes,
baubles of chocolate




EDIT- so didn't even get to the end of the poem woops. Oh well I'll keep it like this. Sort of like the abrupt ending.

So this still exists

It's been a while since I posted something on here.

A friend of mine just promoted her blog on the whatsapp group chat I'm on and it reminded me of this little blog. I like her blog. It's a nice, interesting blog. I really like her blog. I may a little bit obsessed with her blog. That's not the point. See everyone else loves her blog and with good reason it's a great blog. But it makes me feel like if my friends ever found this blog they'd either laugh at 2012 Minoo, hate it, or realise how fucked up i am.

I mean all I ever post these days are '4am thoughts' which is about me and my fear of loneliness and being alone and being fucked in the head becausei  am so fucked up in the fucking head.

I like listening to music when blogging, I stated that in a post before. Currently listening to 'Perfect' by Emma Blackery and feeling like anything but.

Use your voice, scream above the noise
Cause you're perfect as you are even when times are hard.
You are brave and even if they say
That'll you never go far
because you're dumb, skinny or scarred,
You're perfect the way you are

Still feel like shit despite listening to this song.

I don't think I told you about the whole BPD thing. See I may have BPD.. Borderline Personality Disorder, it's kinda hard to explain but basically it's rooted in a fear of abandonment and makes everything suck because I feel like people hate me or what I create all the fucking time.

I have a post on draft. I made it in October but somehow I forgot to post it or maybe was halfway through and never published it idk but point is gonna finally publish it now. It's called Stardust. Let's see what Minoo 4 was thinking 4 months ago.

13/10/2014

Starlight


One of the youtubers I really love and look up to is DoddleOddle, who recently uploaded an original song called "She"


Now I'd say this song practically sums up a crush I have now, but it also inspired me to write my own song? So this is my song 'Starlight' which is about my crush on this girl I have.

It hurts
to fall in love
with someone you can't have
'Cause you
have to say bye
when they don't like you back
It's even
harder when
you never had a chance

'Cause she's like
Starlight
so bright
she lights up the room
Whilst I'm dull
not interesting at all
just the epitome
of doom

And people say
that opposites attract
but that's not the case
'cause she's too bright for me
And people say
that opposites attract
but I know that's not a fact
because I'm too dull to be seen

'Cause she's like
Starlight
so bright
the centre of the universe
Whilst I'm dull
not interesting at all
and I thought
this couldn't get worse

But she has admirers falling to her feet
they fall in love with her as soon as they meet
She has so much choice why would I be the one?
I'm not pretty, not witty and I'm not fun.

'Cause she's like
Starlight
so bright
I think I could go blind
Whilst I'm dull
not interesting at all
too scared, too shy
too hard to find

It's hard
to fall in love
with someone you can't have
It's harder
when you
never even had a chance


02/10/2014

Anger.

You may or may not know that for extra curricular classes at my Sixth Form I do creative writing. This week was our first week and what we were told to do was to describe an emotion as if it existed as an object or a person.

I decided to do it based on anger since it's an emotion I feel on a regular basis, and our work in class then inspired me to write a poem based on anger.

Just a word of warning: there is some mention of self harm so if you're uncomfortable or triggered by it then I would advise you not to read onwards.

It starts from the pit of your heart
and spreads to your finger tip and toes
Almost impossible to suppress this emotion
no matter how hard you try,
it always overflows.

I feel so strong yet
simultaneously
weak.
Power surges through me as I feel like I could 
Destroy anyone who comes in my way
but I feel so weak
I am not
powerful
enough to dissolve the anger
and it always results in
me hurting someone
mainly myself.

I hope one day comes
where I can stop this ever growing
tumour of anger
without my fists colliding with my skin
leaving an assortment of marks.

But I do not know
how many more bruises
how many more clusters of purples, blues and reds
will be plastered onto my flesh
before I can finally stop
harming myself.
Respect The Planet Earth