I can't stand it anymore.

Hola,

I'm not in a good mood today, spent like half an hour crying my eyes out. Why?

So many people make fun out of for being short. I am tiny compared to everyone else. I look about 9/10. So many people put me down. One girl called Sarah J - Who is really tall-  puts me down the most. Last year in drama we were doing mirror images and she put her hands up so high that I couldn't reach then she'd get people to watch. A week ago she found out I love Tom Daley and she was like "No his mine" I said "His neither of ours but I like him more than you can imagine, I've liked him since I was 10!" <-- That is not a lie. Then she goes "Well I liked him before I was born!" I rolled my eyes at her stupid comment then she said "At least I'm tall enough for him" That hurt. I my jaw literally dropped and I could feel tears in my eyes.

 

Another girl that makes me feel small is a girl called Sahar. She too knows about me liking Tom so she starting saying to other girls "Imagine if Misha went out with Tom Daley, it'd be like he was going out with a 9 year old" and stuff like "Misha should be in year 7 or in Primary(elementary)" Or "She's such a fake in year 10 she's too small for it" Also me and this girl were going around telling people I'm older than her (which is true) to see people's reactions. Then Sahar started saying once people were shocked "See? No one thinks you're in year 10, go back to primary."

I shrugged and pretended I didn't care but I did, of course I did and I still do. But what hurts the most is that they make fun out of me for pleasure and they don't understand that I hate being small. They don't understand that every year on my birthday, my "birthday wish" is to be taller. I have had that wish since I was like 7. Still hasn't come true. They don't understand that I hate it when I go into a clothes shop and all the pretty clothes are big for me and all they sell in my size our pink girly things which aren't my style. They don't understand that I would refuse to play piggy in the middle because people would throw the ball so high that even if I jumped and tried my hardest, my fingers wouldn't even brush against the ball.  They don't understand that I feel like I'm not meant to be with my friends, they're so tall and I'm short. I feel like I'm an annoying little sister tagging along. They don't understand that if I could have one wish all I would wish for is to being at an average height. They don't understand that. They just carry on hurting me with their words.

 

None of them understand me. None of them realise that their words hurt me. None of them realise that soon I'm gonna crumble. They just carry on hurting. It's like they love seeing me in pain. And then any time I show emotion they say I'm a cry baby. I hate it. I hate them.

 

 

If only they knew but they can never know. I can never reveal my broken heart. I can never reveal my true feeling otherwise they'll know I'm an easy target and hurt me more and it kills me inside. Sorry for blabbering on but I just have to let it out. I feel so alone in the world that no one understands. I feel so empty inside and no one gets it. My smile it's fake. My happiness is fake. I'm fake. Not because I want to be someone I'm not but because if they see the truth they'll kill me with their spiteful words.

They're the type of people who make me want to die.

You may not know but I suffer from depression.

I had only told 2 people before because I didn't want to make a big deal

People know I like darker stuff and have an interest in Self harm and suicide.

They think I only have an interest because I don't like it when I hear people my age have hurt themselves like that because of hateful people (which is true)

But they don't understand I also have an interest because I have thought about it.

The thought of self harm and suicide roam through my mind.

They don't understand

They never will understand.

I just wish that one day I go to school and everything stops.

 

Adios Amigos,

Misha