I'm listening to music as I type this so this might come out all fucked up so apologies in advance.
I'm writing a story/book thing. It's basically what I do here. It's a collection of thoughts and rambles and analysing norms but it's a character writing them. I guess in a way I am the character as all the thoughts in this story are my own in some form or another but at the same time it's a fictional character in terms of what happens to them.
Like we have the exact same thoughts but they think these things in relation to events that occur to them which haven't occurred in my life.
I'm contemplating whether to stop playing the music whilst typing but honestly this is fun and is helping me to multi-task.
RANDOM FACT BC OF THE SONG I'M LISTENING TO: THEY WHISPER 'JOE TROHMAN IS LAME' IN DANCE DANCE.
Another random fact: I feel like I've put this in a post before- feeling a ton of deja vu or however you spell that shit. Well I'm about to correct it bc it has the red squiggly line under it.
I AM NOT EVEN IN THE RAMBLING PART I WANT TO BE.
Okay- so basically, recently I have become increasingly worried about my mental health and if I have any mental disorders. The way I've been acting/reacting to several things have struck me as 'abnormal' but I don't know what to do. I have researched as much as I could myself to have some idea of what I may have (may not- could be just going through some rough patch or whatever) but I don't know where to go from here.
I've talked to my mum about the fact I fear my mental health and I want to see a therapist but she
1) makes me talk to her about it which helps, kinda but then she just says im overreacting and stuff and I don't think I am and I need a professionals opinion on this?
2) thinks that I only want to see a therapist because I'm into psychotherapy. Which is kinda true, I mean if I were to ever get therapy there's no harm in asking how to become a therapist right?
ANYWAY idk how to persuade her to let me go and see a therapist. She knows that I //self-harm// i use that liberally as I do not believe I self-harm despite the fact it's evident I do. It's complicated and I don't want to go into it tbh. As I was saying
She knows I //self-harm// but she says that this is due to my 'anger issues' and not in regards to any form of mental illness/disorders. Now this may be true- I've always been one to get angry quickly and I'd be lying if I didn't say I had no anger issues whatsoever but the fact when I'm angry I inflict pain on myself instead of inanimate objects/ and I do not feel content/comfortable until I have inflicted pain onto myself says something about my mental state right???
Idk if it's because I'm becoming more self aware but I feel like the more I think about this the more my brain tells me that I'm overreacting/being silly and seeking attention despite the fact I have never deliberately told many people this? Well apart from right now but this is more me rambling onto my 'online diary' rather than informing everyone.
Idk my brain's fucked up in some way- I'm like 99% sure of it, I'm just not sure HOW.
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