Are you there?

I feel like I'm talking to thin air, do people even come by here anymore? I mean I don't if my views dropping is because of me becoming a boring old shit or maybe no gives two fucks about blogger. And the lack of comments could be from the lack of people coming or it could be the fact that no one has anything to say. But it feels empty, when I blog or read blogs, like I'm the only one, no one else witnessing this.

In some ways it's good, my writing flows as I have no fear that others will read it, in my mind it's only me. But I hope people do come on here, even if it's from time to time, for loneliness is a feeling I've felt too much and the burning hatred I have for being lonely is indescribable. I enjoy being alone, the silence and the comfort of no one else infiltrating my personal space but loneliness is something I never will like- the feeling of having no one scorches my heart and leaves a scar. I'm alone in my room as I type, perhaps being alone isn't that good for me either, for when I'm alone my thoughts become wilder than lions and more frightening than your worst nightmares- literally. For my brain digs deep and scours itself finding the multiple fears I have and combines them. Leaves me petrified. Only when I'm alone. At night I can not sleep for when I shut my eyes the scariest character from the scariest movie I've watched approaches me slowly. And I attempt to keep my eyes open until my mind wavers from this creature but my eyelids can't hold themselves and that face, the deformed, creepy face re-appears. Maybe being alone is worse than being lonely. As I'm safe when I'm lonely. I can be around people and feel lonely. But when alone, that's when things get scary.

So although the thought of being alone and typing away and no one reading this relaxes me it scares me too. For we are never truly alone, so if you're not on my blog, then who is?

-Minoo