I don't even know anymore.

Sometimes I get this feeling. Like I'm being silenced. Forced to be silent. I want to speak but I feel like my mouth has been sealed up and my throat has been cut out. I want to type and my fingers won't work. I want to think but my brain cells slowly shut down.

I've noticed recently I stammer more when I speak. Words, phrases even, are repeated. I don't do it purposely it just happens. And I don't mean using the same sentence twice. I mean:

"So I said, I said, 'let me', I said, 'let me handle it'" Or whatever. And in those moments I feel like my brain malfunctions and it doesn't even know what it's doing.

I breathe heavier too. Like I'll come upstairs and I'll be out of breath, heaving on my bed. I'll be crying one night but it will feel more like panting and I feel my chest compressing and my organs tightening to the point where my lungs will explode.

I'm more panic-y now. I don't know why. Nothing's changed in my life. Not really. I feel more scared and I have no clue whatsoever to what could have caused it. I want to know what's wrong- or not wrong- with me but at the same time I don't.

Obviously if you can get a professional to diagnose you it's much better. But I don't want them to confirm the fact something is wrong with me. I don't know I'm being silly. My chest feels tight right now.

Nevermind.